Here is the situation. I am a college student and have struggled my way here. I am a junior, and I am transferring to a very good school this fall. I also work at a bank, as well as at a store’s customer service dept.
When I was about 2 years old my mom explained to me I had extreme obsessive tendencies, however I always would just blow it off and disguise the behavior as normal. But, as I sit and think more about the situation, what two year old would sit in her room for hours with zip lock bags and bag everything? And, is it that normal for a two year old to throw a huge fit if she her mom wouldn’t let her spend almost an hour putting her socks on in the morning. Well, these weird and somewhat obsessive behaviors followed as I grew. I vividly remember when I was in grammar school I would get into argument with my parents that would escalate into hours and hours of screaming and me throwing stuff all over. I also remember these arguments would be caused by my parents trying to revise one of my homework assignments or something similar to that nature. From age five or six, until I hardly spent any time at home at age 18, these vicious arguments would occur usually 3, and upwards of 8 times a month. It was draining and crazy. This made my childhood a bit difficult, not to mention I am not a person to talk about my feelings easily, but rather lash out and destroy my cell phone or something. I also feel that my teenage years have been traumatic, not only because of the intense fights, but also because of deaths in my family. About six years ago my beloved grandpa was diagnosed with lung cancer. Though at the time I had not been subjected to many traumatic situations similar to this, I thought everything would be ok. That is until about three months later when he passed away. I do not remember how I was feeling or what I did exactly but I know it left a huge hole in my family and heart. Then, about a year later, my aunt had been told she had breast cancer; the doctors gave her a bit of hope, and performed therapy and surgery, hoping for her to eventually be in remission. She was doing great for about a year and then it came back, but this time it was even worse, and then it grew to her brain. At that time she and my mom were closer than I can explain. So, my mom moved in with her, (about 1000 miles from our home) and took care of her. She did this for about five months until we received the phone call that she had passed away. During this emotional roller coaster, my mom’s brother, my uncle Steve, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The same nightmare all over again. We found out he had cancer, and then two months later he looked like he was 80 years old, but was only 45, and soon after passed away. My mother lost her father and two siblings, our family was falling apart. Then, the worst possible thing that could happen did. My father had been diagnosed with malignant melanoma skin cancer. He has been battling it for a long time and is currently undergoing treatment at the NIH. He is going strong and the doctors say he is in remission. But this is only after about six or seven horrific surgeries, and months of being stapled up, and unable to move. It is so difficult to write this, mainly because it makes me break down every time. But moving on, I have been through a lot and as a result of what I just discussed, as well an emotionally draining high school career have leaded me to have extreme anxiety. And when I say extreme, I mean it. And just to put the icing on the cake, about two weeks ago when I was working at the bank, I got robbed at gun point. This just made my anxiety and feeling of being overwhelmed unable to be controlled. Not to mention I have to testify at once of the court proceedings in two days. I feel like my life is a huge mess, emotionally and literally. I am only 20 but make a decent amount of money, yet have nothing to show for it. You could say I am a shopaholic. Some may laugh, but this is not ok. My room is covered in clothes, my closet and dresser filled. I estimate that I have spent over 11,000 on clothes this past year. It’s gross, but to be honest I do it because it does not cause any stress or any feelings of being overwhelmed, (until I get home and have to money left.) It has gotten to the point that if I am going out for a special event or a night out with friends I will buy a new outfit because I have no clue where and what I have is. This is just the beginning of the problem; I am so unorganized with my everything else. I have no clue where my college stuff is, upcoming deadlines. I get so stressed out when I know I have no clean work clothes to wear, and know that I will have to do laundry, and most of the time I will do one load and leave it in the washing machine and leave. To be honest, I am not sure how I have functioned to attend college. I want am majoring in marketing currently. This leads me to my next problem, school. My anxiety goes crazy at school. I cannot