23
Pet Loss – How Do I Stop Myself From Crying And Get Closure?
Filed Under (Pancreatic Cancer) by admin on 23-02-2010
Tagged Under : Closure, Crying, From, Loss, Myself, Stop
Two days ago my 8 year old beloved dog Darcy died. We had to have him put down due to pancreatic cancer. I know there was nothing I could have done to prevent the disease, or anything that could have been done to cure him. He was in pain and I know it was the right decision.
Problem is I just cant stop crying! I know it is all still very raw, and he was the most loved pet we have ever had. In fact he was like a child to me and a grandchild to my mum.
I have lost 4 kg in 2 days due to grief, vomiting and nausea. I feel weak and numb, and even had to take a day off from work!
When I am on my own, I feel that my emotions are all under control, and that I am fine with what happened. He was in a lot of pain, and there was no other option but to euthanise. His spirit is now free, he is not in any pain, and I do believe in afterlife and reincarnation – and perhaps that he will reincarnate as our next dog – though not reborn yet, so we cant be reunited yet. (I know you may not…but please, this is my only comfort at the moment so no scoffing please).
When I am at home or in private, crying and grieving is fine – but my question is how to control it when I am at work/in public/talking to others?
For example, I was fine in myself about it, calm and controlled. I was almost at the point of complete acceptance. I went in to work, and my workmate asked how Darcy was (having known he was sick) and I broke down and couldn’t stop sobbing. She was alright with this as she loves animals as well, and had recently lost her dog – so she understood my grief, but this didn’t help ease my sense of embarrasement.
I was too embarrased to mention it to any of my other workmates, especially in the tearoom as I knew exactly what would happen – I’d start crying and would be unable to stop! I would be embarrased.
I am perfectly accepting and controlled in my emotions, then as soon as I go to talk to someone about Darcy, or as soon as they mention his name I feel the tears well up.
I know one solution may seem to be to not think about him – but that is impossible. Someone only need say “sorry to hear about Darcy” or I see a similar looking dog – and wham! I am just about choking!
I was back to the point of acceptance, and feeling resolved about it – then spoke to my mum on the phone today. She asked how I’m coping – I started crying!
Both my mum and I have cried over the death of Darcy – but my father, who was also very close to Darcy has shown no emotion – though he never does. He didnt even show emotion when his father died – but did end up with anxiety.
How does someone do this? How do you show no emotion openly whilst feeling torn to shereads inside?
Does anyone have any practical advice as to how to stop the tears once the emotion starts welling up inside? How do you not show any emotion outwardly, while still feeling so sad inside?
Does anyone else have that experience of the welling up of tears, tightening in the chest, stinging behind the eyes? How to you stop it, how to you stay controlled?
Please stay plesant about this – Darcy was not “just a dog” to me – we had him for almost 9 years, he was with us daily and even slept on our bed. It is like the grief of loosing a child. I know there was nothing we could have done and euthenasia was the kindest option – how do I get closure on this?